I cried when others didn't know I cried, "oh why God, why don't you hear my prayers and see my tears?" The pain of the loneliness would last all day into the night, and not realizing the tears were leading to the Grace of God.
Months would go by, and although I was praying, I begin to realize I was just in a ritual with God, not a relationship. Earnestly daily, with my heart I would begin to pray, (NIV) Psalm 86, praising, and asking God for my plea for Grace. I also had to remove negative people out of my life. My attitude, mindset changed, I became more " oh God, you can hear me now, because I am not whining anymore, I am believing and trusting in you. " No more going through the motions of just saying a prayer
The test came, I ran into someone from my past, who wanted to pick up,right where we left off,I walked away. The Peace and Joy I had that day, had me rejoicing, knowing that I walked away from him, because I have been walking with God. I am now in a different place with my tears, they are now tears of Joy!